no to na poprawe nastroju zarcik...

[DFray26]

echhh żal, żart nie na miejscu, kompletnie.

[banita]

ktory?

[MarcFloyd]

Ten trzeci z prawej. Powinien byc bardziej po lewej. Az musialem ramke przesunac.

Ech, alez mi sie dzisiaj pracowac nie chce....

[Emigrantka]

no to jakie zarty maja o nas...i ten mi sie najbardziej podoba bo dokladnie oddaje mentalnosc Polakow

Two Poles are talking about their friend who immigrated to America.

-Did you hear about Bartek? He opened up a jewellery store after just one year in America!

-How did he do that?

-With a crowbar.

hehehe

to ja Cie pobije..



***************************
Two Poles emigrated to America. On their first day in New York City, they spotted a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked at his hot dog, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"

***************************

How can you tell a Polish neighborhood?
By the toilet paper hung out to dry.

****************************

How do you know when a Pollack has been in your back yard?
Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant.

****************************

A guy walks into a bar and starts to tell a Polish joke. The bar tender says that he`s Polish. The guy says, "OK, I`ll tell it slowly,"

[matej]

[MarcFloyd]

A guy walks into a bar and starts to tell a Polish joke. The bar tender says that he`s Polish. The guy says, "OK, I`ll tell it slowly,

[Emigrantka]

Moje ulubione.. bo "komunikatywne"

************************



A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, “Very quick”!

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:

LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?”
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.

LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?”
POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.”

LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?”
POLE: No, We have a carport and don’t need a grudge.

LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?”
POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.”

LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
POLE: “Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.

LAWYER: “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?”
POLE: “No, I’m always up before her.”

LAWYER: “Why do you want this divorce?”
POLE: “She going to kill me!”

LAWYER: “What makes you think that?”
POLE: “I got proof.”

LAWYER: “What kind of proof?”
POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say “Polish Remover”

*******************************

- Thanks from the mountain. = Dziękuję z góry.
- I tower you. = Wierzę ci.
- It's after birds. = Już po ptokach.
- Do you divide my sentence? = Czy podzielasz moje zdanie?
- I'll animal to you. = Zwierzę ci się.
- The Universal Pregnancy Law = Prawo Powszechnego Ciążenia
- Can you throw me up? = Czy możesz mnie podrzucić?
- I am from Beeftown. = Jestem z Wołomina.
- I am from Boat City. = Jestem z Łodzi.
- First from the shore. = Pierwszy z brzegu.
- Close meetings of the third grade = Bliskie spotkania trzeciego stopnia.
- Without small garden = Bez ogródek.
- Don't boat yourself. = Nie łudź się.
- Kiosk of movement = Kiosk Ruchu
- White without = Biały bez
- My girlfriend is very expensive to me. = Moja dziewczyna jest mi bardzo droga.
- Time swimming allowed = Czas płynie wolno
- Rail on you! = Kolej na ciebie!
- To go to the second page of the street = Przejść na drugą stronę ulicy
- Brain tire fire = Zapalenie opon mózgowych

[Emigrantka]

Oh dear - Och, jeleń.

I have been there - Mam tam fasolę

Can you hear me - Ty mnie możesz tu

Bye bye baby, baby good bye - Kup, kup mi dzidziusia, dzidziuś dobry zakup

I'm just asking - Jestem tylko królem d***

We are the champions - Jesteśmy pieczarkami

Manicure - Pieniądze leczą

God only knows - Jedny nos Boga

To be or not to be? - Pszczoła, czy nie pszczoła?

Good products - Bóg po stronie kaczek

May God be with you - Majowa dobra pszczoła z tobą

I fell in love - Przewróciłem się w miłość.

Do you feel alright? - Cały czujesz się z prawa?

Just in case - Tylko w skrzynce

I saw my Honey today - Piłowałem dziś mój miód.

Watch out! - Patrz na zewnątrz!

Bad influence - Zła grypa

I will never give up - Nigdy nie wymiotuję

I'm going to make you mine - Idę zrobić ci kopalnię.

Let's have a party - Założmy partię.

Press space bar to continue - Kosmiczny bar prasowy nastąpi

Phone seller - Zadzwoń do sprzedawcy

Let it be! - Jedzmy
pszczołę!

I know his story well
- Znam jego historyczną studnię.

Finnish people - Skończeni ludzie

afterbills - porachunki
afterchirps - zapiski
afterhealings - pozdrowienia
Bar's bar - Barbara
behind-eyes student - student zaoczny
blind lottery-ticket - ślepy los
brain tire fire - zapalenie opon mózgowych
break down the first ice-creams - przełamywać pierwsze lody
breasty cage - klatka piersiowa
but eggs - ale jaja
but how it? - ale jak to?
can you throw me up? - możesz mnie podrzucić?
chicken's feather! - kurczę pióro!
coffee on the table - kawa na ławę
Crossmen - Krzyżacy
cut off myself a nap - uciąć sobie drzemkę
cut percentage feet - obnizyć stopy procentowe
dissolve your hair - rozpuść włosy
do something without corpse - zrobić coś bez zwłoki
do you divide my stentence - czy podzielasz moje zdanie
dogs bone - psia kość!
don't boat yourself - nie łudz się
don't dust me in! - nie wkurzaj mnie!
don't make a village - nie rób wiochy
don't make stages! - nie rób scen!
don't take yourself over - nie przejmuj się
don't tear yourself - nie drzyj się
don't turn my guitar - nie zawracaj mi gitary
drive left interests - prowadzić lewe interesy
feet of metals - stopy metali
fiancée steam - narzeczona para
field to write on - pole do popisu
Fieldness - Polka
first from the shore - pierwszy z brzegu
give me the second time - daj mi sekundę czasu
go out on people - wyjść na ludzi
go to the second page of the street - przejść na drugą stronę ulicy
Grandfathers - Dziady
he killed her a stud - zabił jej ćwieka
he survived a heavy profession - przeżył ciężki zawód
heritage of prices - spadek cen
I feel train to you - czuję do ciebie pociąg
I tower you - wierzę ci
I went out behind husband - wyszłam za mąż
I wifed myself - ożeniłem się
I'll animal to you - zwierzę ci się
I'm after breakfast - jestem po śniadaniu.
immediate castle - zamek błyskawiczny
in the face of hedgehog! - w mordę jeża!
in the thing alone - w rzeczy samej
it is after the birds now - jest już po ptakach
it's after apples - już po jabłkach
it's after birds - już po ptokach
little ball for
metal - piłka do metalu
make the profit on time - zyskać na czasie
memory is flying - wspomnienie lata
new lazyman's lips - nowe ustalenia
notebook in the rope - zeszyt w linie
old good tenses - stare dobre czasy
on every accident - na wszelki wypadek
paintings coin - obrazy Moneta
Rail on you! - kolej na ciebie!
refugee of circumstances - zbieg okoliczności
Rubik's ankle - kostka Rubika
serious music concert - koncert muzyki
poważnej
shave a glass - golnąć kieliszek
shit is going around me - gówno mnie obchodzi
show me your spine, sir! - Krzyż Pański!
slowness of word - wolność słowa
smell the train - czuć pociąg
step someone's hand - pójść komuś na rękę
street robots - roboty drogowe
sugar in one's bones - cukier w kostkach
take one's legs behind the belt - wziąć nogi za pas
thank you from the mountain. - dziękuję z gory
the profits are flying on the hole - zyski lecą na dół
there's a window-pane in the bed - w łóżku jest szybka
these aren't cannons - to nie działa
time swimming allowed - czas płynie wolno
Tom divided their lottery coupon - Tom podzielił ich los
train to the buried - pociąg do Zakopanego
undertowel - podręcznik
universal pregnancy law - prawo powszechnego ciążenia
volleyball of the eye - siatkówka oka
without a little garden - bez ogródek
without pictures - bez obrazy
without small garden - bez ogrodek
writing on oneself - popisywać się

[Emigrantka]

Wlosi tez sa smieszni

**********************

Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street. "Hey, Antonio," said Luigi. "Where you been for the past two weeks? No one seen you around."

"Donna talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been inna da jail."

"Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been in jail?"

"Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna da beach, and the cops come, arresta me and throw me inna jail."

"But dey donna throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!" Luigi countered.

"Yeah, but dissa beach was ascreamin' and akickin' and ayellin'."

**********************************

A bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat down together and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored them at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men become graphic.

"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," said the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our seksik lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

*****************************

One day, imma gonna New York City to bigga hotel. Inna morning, I go to eat breakfast. I tella the waitress, I wanna two pissa toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say no understand, I wanna two piss onna plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I donna even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.

Later I go eat at bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock, shee tella me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you dont understand, i wanna fock on the table. She say you better no fock onna table, you sonna ma bitch.

So, I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shite onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shite onna my bed. He say you better no shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go check out and the man at the desk say "peasce on you". I say piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy.

I wersja audio - podobna do tego wyzej.....tylko Malta.... heheh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjXGywPz ... re=related

[muha]

Dobrość Ojczyzny

http://blogmedia24.pl/node/34861

[muha]

Dobrość Ojczyzny

http://blogmedia24.pl/node/34861

[muha]

Dobrość Ojczyzny

http://blogmedia24.pl/node/34861

[muha]

Dobrość Ojczyzny

http://blogmedia24.pl/node/34861

[muha]

Dobrość Ojczyzny

http://blogmedia24.pl/node/34861

[muha]

Dobrość Ojczyzny

http://blogmedia24.pl/node/34861