Jokes (in english)

[MarcFloyd]

The seven dwarfs were working down a mine when it collapsed. A rescuer called down: 'can anybody hear me?' A voice replies: 'England are going to win the world cup'.
Snow white says: 'Well, at least we know !!!! dopey is alive!'

All future televised England matches have been moved to gay adult channel as the sight of 11 arseholes getting hammered for 90 mins was to far to explicit for terrestrial tv.

Bloke walks into a brothel and says 'I am a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?'
Madam says '£37.50'
He replies: 'Wow, what do I get for that?'
She says 'An England football shirt'

[juzekbrona]

Marc Floyd od cytatów. Czy przed zamieszczeniem postu lub odpowiedzi na post mógłbyś dokonać następujących przemyśleń?:

1. Czy mój post ma sens?
2. Czy na tym forum wszyscy znają język angielski?
3. Czy jest w ogóle sens dawania postów po angielsku na polskim portalu?
4. Czy - nawet jeżeli znają język angielski - to wszystkim cytowany dowcip wyda się śmieszny?
5. Czy wszyscy na tym forum są skończonymi debilami, którzy nie potrafią poruszać się w Internecie? I czy ja NAPRAWDĘ muszę spełnić misję Wielkiego Nauczyciela?
6. Czy jestem zdolny do jakichkolwiek własnych sądów i przemyśleń?
7. Czy cytat jest jedynym środkiem wyrazu?
8. Czy portal Gazety Wyborczej jest jedynym, wiarygodnym portalem w cyfrowym świecie?
9. Czy mam jakieś swoje zdanie?
10. Czy Juzkowi wystarczy na dzisisiaj saidra?

[MarcFloyd]

1. Tak, jest smieszny a taki byl jego cel.

2. Who cares? Niech sie ucza

3. Jak wyzej

4. Bez watpienia nie, i to wlasnie jest smieszne

5. Nie wszyscy, tylko duza czesc A dowcipy dostalem smsem i wydaly mi sie na tyle dobre zeby wklepac.

6. Owszem. Na przyklad teraz moj mozg krzyczy "kcem kawy!!!"

7. Nie, pozostaja jeszcze polsrodki i srodki na przeczyszczenie.

8. Oczywiscie poza 'londynkiem'

9. Owszem ale sie z nim nie zgadzam.

10. Zdecydowanie za duzo nawet

[aina24]

The seven dwarfs were working down a mine when it collapsed. A rescuer called down: 'can anybody hear me?' A voice replies: 'England are going to win the world cup'.
Snow white says: 'Well, at least we know !!!! dopey is alive!'

All future televised England matches have been moved to gay adult channel as the sight of 11 arseholes getting hammered for 90 mins was to far to explicit for terrestrial tv.

Bloke walks into a brothel and says 'I am a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?'
Madam says '£37.50'
He replies: 'Wow, what do I get for that?'
She says 'An England football shirt'

[aina24]

a ja taki dowcip wczoraj slyszalam:


A couple with a child decide to divorce. The judge asks the child:
Do you want to live with your mum?

The child says:
'no, she beats me.'

The judge then asks him:
Do you want to live with your dad?

He says:
'No he beats me too.'

The judge says:
'whom do you want to live with then?'

The child answered:
'England football team, they cannot beat anyone.'

[juzekbrona]

To wyżej to cool jest i na topie.

O Katmandu:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Katmandu
Katmandu who?
Katmandu what Catwoman wants!

O Timbuktu:

The two finalists were a Yale graduate and a redneck. The final contest was for them to make a poem in 2 minutes containing a word that would be given to them by the judges. The word was "TIMBUKTU".

The Yale graduate was the first to give his poem:

Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.


The audience went wild. They thought the redneck would never stand a chance against him-a YALE graduate.

Nevertheless, the redneck stood up and gave his poem:

Me and Tim a hunting went,
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim booked two.

[juzekbrona]

"Polish waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"


"There are four kinds of seksik :
HOUSE seksik - When you are newly married and have seksik all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM seksik - After you have been married for a while, you only have seksik in the bedroom.
HALL seksik - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM seksik - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got".

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife Ł775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor." the husband said "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few pounds myself!".

"A couple were having financial problems until finally they couldn't stand it any more. The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make some money through prostitution to get by.
So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the evening he picked her up again.
"So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked.
"Well", the woman responded, "I've made one hundred pounds and fifty pence."
"That's strange", the husband responded, "who gave you the fifty pence?"
Said the woman: "All of them, of course!"