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  Londynek » Strona główna Forum » Hyde Park » Blondynek.....ma kota  
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Post Temat: Blondynek.....ma kota
Wysłany: 12 Lis 2009 00:46
Emigrantka
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Nawet 2.

Jeszcze tylko welna, szydelko i papcie pluszowe i......bedzie wypisz wymaluj jak ponizej....

Laughing



No ale zeby nie bylo ze jestem larwa pasiasta.. troche porad:

1) How to give a cat a tablet:

Pick the cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into it, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from the foil wrap. Make note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered 'Dolton' figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pills not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply plaster to partners forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed and get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon and flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road and apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed and pry cat's mouth open with a small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to wash down pill.

Get partner to drive you to the Emergency Room and sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat. Ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

2) Extracts from Cats Diary

A Cat's Diary

Day 972 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Evil People!!



Day 973 of my captivity.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 974 of my captivity.

Two workmen came to the house today. As they rested after strengthening the interior of my confines, I sat on one, gently hooking my claws into their clothing. My plan was to cling on until they left, thus escape with them under the cover of their departure. The other workman went outside first and came back smelling strangely after something called a "cigarette". Curses! I'd picked the wrong one! I heard they are coming back again in another week. I will repeat my escape attempt then.

Day 975 of my captivity.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now......

Ciekawe o ktorej niektorym futrzaki pobudke zrobia Laughing
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